Coronavirus diary: Lockdown, week five

A blog about confusing communication, blurred guidelines, death by disinfectant, plus lots and lots of positive stories from around the world.

What day is it?

It’s week 4,034 of lockdown. I have no idea what day it is. None of my clothes fit me anymore and my hair has grown so long I can wear it as a scarf.

I’m confused

This week, B&Q has opened 20 stores and others like Timpson, the key cutters and shoe repairers are planning to follow suit.

Government policy hasn’t changed. These shops were always allowed to open as they were considered ‘essential’, but until now hadn’t been able to put sufficient safety measures in place. We all want to improve our living conditions as we’re spending so much time at home, but are decking and paint considered essentials? I haven’t looked at my shoes once during this pandemic and thought “hmmm I must have my heels repaired”. I don’t remember the last time I wore proper shoes.

A blog about confusing communication, blurred guidelines, death by disinfectant, plus lots and lots of positive stories from around the world.

Every afternoon we’re told by the Minister for Paperclips, or whoever is standing in for the PM that day – that we should only go out for essential shopping and work that can’t be done from home. With these shops opening, there are more cars on the road, more people using public transport and not staying home. You can bet that we’ll get slapped wrists for the increase in traffic over the coming weeks. So yeah, I’m confused.

Something else I’m confused about – sorry, it’s my tiny menopause-ridden brain – is why B&Q can open their garden section, but garden centres have to remain closed. I don’t have anything specifically against B&Q – I assume the larger supermarkets are selling plants too. The guidelines are blurred. There is no consistency.

Other things that confuse me

We can talk to our friends and neighbours if we see them on the street, at a safe distance. I think it’s ok to talk to them two metres away from our front door if they happen to be passing. But we’re not meant to sit together, apart, in our back gardens. What’s the difference?

We’re allowed to go for a walk, and it’s OK for joggers to huff and puff their spittle all over the place, but we mustn’t dally. No sitting on a bench to enjoy the fresh air. What gives?

We can’t invite individual family members into our house who have also been isolating, but it’s ok to bring the plumber in, who could have been snogging virus carriers.

We’re allowed to drive to the place we want to walk or exercise in, as long as the walk is longer than the drive. So I can drive for two hours, as long as I walk for a little longer than that. Ridiculous.

A blog about confusing communication, blurred guidelines, death by disinfectant, plus lots and lots of positive stories from around the world.

I am among the 700,000 or so people who have signed up to be an NHS Volunteer. Despite being ‘on duty’ since the beginning of April, I haven’t received one call out. I know there are people in the community who need help, so why aren’t we being used?

Some American states have relaxed the lockdown for a range of key services, including tattoo parlours. Who are these people who need urgent tattoos? And how will tattooists maintain a healthy distance from their clients?

The land of confusion

Last week Donald Trump announced during his daily press conference that one possible cure for coronavirus was to drink or inject disinfectant.

DO NOT DO THIS, obviously. And that’s the bloody point – it is OBVIOUS! Why oh why didn’t anyone shut him up?

Not only is he an orange imbecile of the highest order, but he’s also so wrong that this advice has resulted in deaths. You might argue that taking idiots who drink disinfectant out of the gene pool is just Darwinism in action. But Trump made them do it. His medical advisors, who were standing right there, said nothing. They did nothing. Why didn’t they call him out? Haven’t they taken an oath to protect their patients and save lives? Why didn’t anyone in the media corps speak up during the press conference? How can this happen? How?

A blog about confusing communication, blurred guidelines, death by disinfectant, plus lots and lots of positive stories from around the world.

So many unanswered questions, so much frustration.

OK rant over.

Things I am not confused about

This is a terrible situation, but as long as we and those we love are alive, we are among the lucky ones.

We are not all in the same boat, but we are all weathering the same storm.

Our NHS is amazing and everyone working in it is a hero.

A blog about confusing communication, blurred guidelines, death by disinfectant, plus lots and lots of positive stories from around the world.

Teachers – also heroes.

All the scientists working around the clock to find a vaccine – ditto.

Each day brings us closer to the end of this crazy time. Today I want to scream and cry. Tomorrow I’ll feel differently.

Good news from around the world

Captain Tom Moore of ‘raising £30million for the NHS’ fame, has become the oldest artist to top the UK singles chart with a cover of You’ll Never Walk Alone – for charity of course.

A 107-year-old Spanish woman has survived two pandemics: Covid-19 and Spanish flu. In the USA, a WW2 veteran celebrated his 104th birthday this week, after recently making a recovery from Coronavirus.

New Zealand has announced that there have been no more local cases of Coronavirus, so some non-essential businesses, as well as schools, were allowed to reopen.

In Spain, children have been allowed outside for one hour a day, for the first time in weeks.

A group of recently furloughed professional chefs have set up a group called ‘furloughed foodies’. The volunteers have cooked and delivered over 6000 meals to hospitals across London.

The BBC has expanded its home-schooling programming to include geography lessons from Sir David Attenborough, science lessons from Professor Brian Cox and EastEnders actor Danny Dyer will give a history class for five to seven-year-olds on Henry VIII.

You can read more good news stories in my previous Coronavirus diary posts.

That’s it for this week folks. How are you faring? Are you confused too? Talk to me in the comments below or you can email me@lifestylemaven.co.uk or message me wherever you get your social media from. I’m @lifestylemavens.

Much love, Vx