I have two amazing, bright, funny, gorgeous boys. Over the years they’ve said some crazy sh*t – as I’m sure all kids do. And I write them down.

As their knowledge and experience grows, these weird conversations happen less frequently. But I love looking back on them, they still make me laugh like a loon.

So this post is a ‘best of’: a compilation of the weirdest, funniest, craziest things my kids have said over the years.

I hope one day, they’ll read this and laugh – knowing that we’re laughing with them, not at them. I hope they will thank me for recording the innocence of their childhood, rather than resenting all this exposure. I love you boys, more than you can imagine.

[Key: V = me; S = Steve (Mr Maven, dad); C = 11 years old at time of writing; M = 9 years old at time of writing]

Kids say some crazy, weird stuff. Here's a best of compilation of the craziest stuff my kids have said for your enjoyment.

 

At the Doctors:

Dr: “So is there anything else that’s bothering you at the moment?”

M (6 yrs): “Yes, I’ve got these lumps all down my back.”

Dr: “That’s your spine.”

On school projects:

M (6 yrs): “We’re learning about dinosaurs.”

V: “Do you know how they all died?”

M: “Was it…. umm… meatballs?”

On growing up:

C (8 yrs): “In 5 more years I’ll be a teenager.”

V: “What happens then?”

C: “I start stealing wallets.” (WTF!!)

On getting married:

C (8 yrs): “I’m going to stay single. Otherwise I’ll have a wife telling me what to do and kids yelling at me.”

Kids say some crazy, weird stuff. Here's a best of compilation of the craziest stuff my kids have said for your enjoyment.

On career choices:

V: “What do you want to be when you grow up:”

M (6 yrs): “A sandwich.”

On hearing what year his dad was born:

C (9 yrs): “Oh my gosh, dad was born in the olden days!”

On birth:

C (6 yrs): “Mum, did you come out of someone’s tummy or did you just grow out of the ground?”

On wearing glasses:

C (5 yrs): “Is it true that if you wear someone else’s glasses for more than 5 minutes, you will DIE?”

On holidays:

C (5 yrs): “Mummy, my friend said that the place we’re going to on holiday is having a war.” [We were going to Wales!]

On famous golfers:

C (5 yrs): “Mum, have we been to Tiger Woods before?”

On insomnia:

M (5 yrs): “My bed’s not working.”

Games in the car:

S: “I spy with my little eye, something beginning with B – it rhymes with fridge.”

C (5 yrs): “Road.”

On illness:

V: “Are you feeling unwell?”

M (5 yrs): “Yes.”

V: “Where does it hurt?”

M: “On the floor.”

Kids say some crazy, weird stuff. Here's a best of compilation of the craziest stuff my kids have said for your enjoyment.

On the weather:

C (5 yrs): “How does the weather forecast know it’s going to rain? Does someone tell them or do they find out in a dream?”

On personal grooming:

C (6 yrs): “What’s that spray you’re putting on your hair?”

V: “It’s for styling my hair.”

C: “Daddy uses that for styling his armpits.”

On family planning:

M (7 yrs): “I wish we could have a sister, a caring sister… I know how mum and dad can make a sister. Mum does most of the work and dad does, like, 3 things.”

On the production of food:

M (6 yrs): “How do the bees make the labels?”

More crazy things kids say, like "how do the bees make the labels?"

On the city vs country debate:

S: “So where would you prefer to live – in the city or in the countryside?”
C (9 yrs): “City. It’s warmer and there’s better wifi.”

On appetite:

C (9 yrs): “Food is my LIFE!” 

Interpretation of a well known song:

M (7 yrs): “Doughnut think your girlfriend looks just like me….. Doughnut…… Doughnut.”

On waking up from a deep sleep:

M (6 yrs): “I’ve forgotten EVERYTHING.”

On history:

M (6 yrs): “If I was Pharaoh for a day, I would make a law that everyone can only go to the toilet at lunchtime.” His homework was about Pharaohs and he illustrated his work with a drawing of a toilet. So proud.

Kids say some crazy, weird stuff. Here's a best of compilation of the craziest stuff my kids have said for your enjoyment.

On intelligence:

M (6 yrs): “Does dad have a brain?”
Me: “Yes.”
M: “What does he use it for?”

If you’re reading this thinking “ha, you think your kids are funny, you should hear what my little comedian said”, then please tell me about it. Share your funny conversations in the comments below. I’d love to read them.

Much love, Vx

[Nothing to disclose]

Kids say some crazy, weird stuff. Here's a best of compilation of the craziest stuff my kids have said for your enjoyment.